Surprises and Challenges from the Universe
Does anyone else feel like the universe is just fucking with them sometimes?
I recently did an abstract art reading where Italy sort of formed itself into the paint. It’s melted wax intuitively applied and fused with the survace- Usually these messages are about the energies the group I read for will be in each month and how to support and celebrate those experiences. (the group btw, is my Patreon group- which you can check out and get art readings from here if that sounds nourishing to you) at https://www.patreon.com/GettinIntuit
When I picked up the paper all I saw was Italy- It’s that bit in red- and I was like, “wtf does Italy have to do with this reading and why is it showing up here?” So I honored it by recording: “This month’s energy somehow involves Italy and I don’t know why”: and then I proceeded to channel what I considered to be the ‘real’ reading. Turns out that part was also super accurate for me too- but more on that in a bit.
I then dated the reading done in June for Sept (I do them 4 months in advance) and then uploaded it so it would be emailed to me and the group the first week of each month.
And then I forgot about the reading until, at the end of the month I was called to go on a family emergency trip to collect my aunt from Italy. Turns out, the trip effected everyone in the group because I had to withdraw focus and support from what I was doing professionally- and the rest of the reading kicked into resonance as well.
I normally would have been terrified to travel during covid- I’m not a hypocondriack, but let’s just say I don’t really leave the house much. It felt comforting to feel like traveling was going to be ok because of the message.
I think this is the beautiful thing about intuitive work- We will often get clues for the experiences we need to have, and the things we need to heal- It’s our job to honor them and take action on them despite not being specific (or being oddly specific when we can’t be sure it’s going to occur’)-
I think people have the impression that only “clear, specific, verifiable” messages are “valid” and this isn’t true. If it’s a premonition it might sound impossible because it hasn’t happened yet. Imagine if we thought all intuitive workers must have specific information to be ‘real’: like if every mystic, spiritualist, or intuitive out there was only good based on how ‘exact’ their readings wouldn’t all of them need to be rich AF for us to trust them- because they could just channel where to make investments- but very rarely is some guide or deity or energy, or whatever it is you think you are working with going to be like “take out a pen, I’m about to give you lottery numbers.” (made a super hilarious video about this on insta)
Where I stayed in Lucca, Italy
It takes a lot of bravery to speak something weird or specific or that you initially doubt out into the world - Either to speak it to yourself or to share it, like I did in a professional capacity - but let me tell you- when it’s coming through, and it’s real- there isn’t a more comforting feeling of purpose.
*So get out there and speak your weirdness into the world.*
Since the reading was so specific- I kept going. I ended up in Italy and I ended up healing with and working with a lot of the energy that was part of the rest of the September reading. If you are interested, similar energetic work is continuing into October so I’ll share it with you here:
Each of us now is being asked to see what we consume and to look at the ways that our consumption spreads us thin this month. -
Are we healing or hurting?
Are we being asked to do more?
Is there a way we can SPEAK OUT about what is happening, not just within us but also in the world around us.
There is pressure rising this month for more than lip service- for real action- but for a beginning that starts with talking- a beginning that starts with hearing- a beginning that may even feel painful.
And we move through it, because we are healing.
Take September to be extra mindful of the power of your hungers, your consumption, your words, and the impacts that they have.
Take September to be extra mindful of outside hungers, are you being consumed, what is the impact of other’s words on your interior.
Align yourself with actions, though they may open wounds- that ultimately will create a healing effect in areas long yearning for healing.
The message was intense for me, because I’ve been working on healing my feeling of ‘outsider’-ness around the strange and ‘intuitive’ experiences I have. I’ve also been balancing how I wanted to share those things with others in a professional as well as personal capacity. Essentially I’ve been working on helping myself feel a sense of community and belonging while learning to accept that I can be WEIRD and accepted.
This process started happening along with the Mercury retrograde- and I thought I was doing pretty good working with my inner child on acceptance, attention, and celebration in a professional as well as personal capacity- but boy did traveling bring up themes of familial and social belonging and still unresolved hungers for things like affirmation and acceptance.
Some of the way my attention is pulled is through intuitive ‘pings’. If you are also an intuitive you know what it’s like to receive intuitive downloads or messages that you know are going to be upsetting. I’m a big fan of intuitive development because it allows us sensitive critters (and btw intuition is something we all have access to) to better discern what is coming in from anxiety, our own personal experience, spiritual sources, what energies might be around us, and what is ethical to share or not share.
I am also neurodivergent- (diagnosed as an adult, which also included learning all the ways the symptoms manifested in my childhood and wow 😮). As such I have become fairly accustom to my behaviors and communication style being something, well, unusual to others. Recognizing this, and starting to have support to deliver on my unique needs has been a big part of my healing process. I couldn’t do that if I was always only looking at how successful I was/am, and not what that has cost me to do or the ways both healthy and unhealthy that I've learned to deal with dopamine regulation issues.
Self love almost always starts in a relentless honesty and awareness of what is happening both within and around oneself.
When I got home from the traveling I was challenged to express my own discomfort with a situation I did not consent to and that was arguably an unnecessary potential covid exposure to a large group. When I did express my unease and ask for safety measures I was told that I wasn’t allowed to be uncomfortable because I had been willing to risk traveling abroad- and that the situation was going to happen if I wanted it or not, in the way that others though was ok without acknowledgment that safer options where available or that it was affecting my emotional state.
And literally every fiber of my being was screaming both in discomfort, fear, and abandonment, not to mention being told to fuck off when what I needed was safety, information, and greater consideration of the situation.
I initially did what I have learned is the only thing I can do- I retreated and started self care triage. I got to mourn and release how this was a repeat experience for much of my childhood, and a big reason why CONSENT, honestly, and self care are so important to me today. They are my hungers, my focus, my passions and my priorities- and the pursuit of them has shaped much of my life and continue to be strong values for me.
Take September to be extra mindful of the power of your hungers, your consumption, your words, and the impacts that they have.
Take September to be extra mindful of outside hungers, are you being consumed, what is the impact of other’s words on your interior.
Perhaps you also grew up in a house hold where words where chosen for you- or where you felt like you needed to perform to others expectations of you in order to feel loved, validated, accepted and safe. Maybe violations of your needs where well meaning but hurtful because they were based on values you did not share for me, something like “To be a good person you have to go to church” was valued over the needs of the child who was literally hiding to keep from having to that abusive, scary, judgmental and uncomfortable place. Any attempts to point out when a situation was unhealthy, uncomfortable, or impossible for me where interpreted as “rebellion” or “disobedience” or “familial betrayal” and where shamed. Outside words could masquerade as helpful “you are smart” easily becomes “why didn’t you score better on this test”. Perhaps for you outside words sounded something like this “Why can’t you just pay attention?.” Maybe it was character assassination when you tried to express needs that no one wanted to hear or no one had the emotional maturity to know how to deal with “you are so needy”, “you talk to much” or one of my favorites “you are such an ungrateful brat”. The last one was hurled at me whenever I protested going to church-
I take it as a sign of my healing that I was able to feel good about staying in a convent (yep) and going to daily mass while I was in Italy- without the need to point out to everyone the church’s hypocrisy without feeling like the 8pm curfew (most restaurants open for dinner at 7:30pm) was limiting. The difference for me now is choice and peace. I am at peace with all religions and spiritual practices being flawed because it is through our imperfections that we come to greater truths. There is freedom in having the choice, now, to participate how, where, and when I feel called. I can find ways to make an 8pm curfew and still have a 5 course meal (for lunch). I can tolerate other’s differing believes because I understand the concept of truth is not mutually exclusive and contradiction can exist and is healthy. I am able to love and accept with more of my heart.
This is what spiritual practice and self care give us.
In recognizing what is coming up for us, and allowing the energy of the emotion to arise we begin to heal. After years of feeling like I could use logic to contain or regulate my emotions I am finally learning to let them out all the way. I literally locked myself in a room and spent an entire day of my trip crying, feeling sorry for the child who always felt ignored, wrong, and too much, and validating that was a completely reasonable pattern to develop given the circumstances and my neurodiversity. Weather or not emotional abandonment and judgement where intended they were the effect I learned- it was the emotional reality I lived much of my life in. (Another time we’ll have to talk about how the brain is expert at taking our emotional reality and ‘seeing it’ or ‘validating it’ in the world around us and how to step out of that).
And now, as an adult I get to be aware of that. I get to hold myself now when I cry. I get to be the wise adult who understands and hears the big emotions. I am the healed person who knows the steps to peace. I get to hear myself. I get to discover what would actually help me. And I get to express myself. This is my “beginning that starts with talking- a beginning that starts with hearing- a beginning that may even feel painful.”
And because I told you earlier in this article that I’ve been working on healing my sense of community and acceptance- during my trip, in September, and now continuing into October I am sharing out loud more about my reality and experiences. I am speaking so much compassion into myself and my life.
Doing so has had surprising healing results, and I’ve seen growth from people who I didn’t expect growth from, and that too, has affirmed one of the healing mantra’s I’ve been working: “I live in an abundant and supportive world where change is possible”. I continue to trust others with my emotions by sharing them and I am finally receiving proof that the affirmations I use are true.
Align yourself with actions, though they may open wounds- that ultimately will create a healing effect in areas long yearning for healing.
With that I’d love to share with you a few more of the affirmations I use- I encourage you to repeat them to yourself when you feel the opposite.
“I am heard”
“I am loved”
“I belong”
“I have everything I need”
“I am healing, healed, a healer”
“It is safe to me to share, and when I do, I allow myself to feel connected and heard, even if that is not the way others treat me”
“I seek to discover what my values are, and I celebrate the way they manifest in my actions and speech”.
