Injury and ReCovery

I spent a year UNABLE while recovering from back surgery. I was unable to dress myself, unable bend fully over to tie my own shoes, unable to lift anything heavier than 2 lbs…There was never a guarantee that recovery would occur, some days were worse not better but everyday was a new chance to try something different. I am even more mobile and pain free now than before my injury.

I could have felt trapped, in bed with that sweet dog you see in the bed-selfie I sent the hubs. But being on the ‘no activity for a year’ path was nothing compared to the constant threat of searing pain.

My back injury appeared and disappeared mysteriously for years. Disrupting my life, recovering, re-emerging, repeating. During this over 5 year period of my life I was what society would consider ‘well’ but was completely unable to hear my body- living a short distance from it, seeing it as a way to achieve. I only did healing and strengthening work when injury was arising and just so I could more quickly get back in the game. And achieve I did.

In injury I ignored my body in favor of what I THOUGHT I should be doing.

During the 5 year period in active injury I

Ran my 2nd marathon

Won multiple swing dance competitions

Got and left 2 full time jobs

Made and sold metal sculpture in shows Nationally and Internationally

Taught an ‘over time’ course load for 3 different universities

Planned and Committed Matrimony (to an amazing man!)

Ran a Swing Dance Classes and a Burlesque Troupe

Meanwhile my body was screaming at me to slow down. To create rest. To be, to allow. To celebrate, to breathe, to enjoy, to unwind, to stretch. I just didn’t know how to listen and I was busy carving out a life that proved I was valuable, capable, and talented.

I spent years in pain not knowing how to help myself and reliant on a community of DRs and Holistic Practitioners who were only treating symptoms and guessing at the root cause: 2 bulging disks and 1 completely fractured disk leaking synovial fluid into my body with bits of disk attached to my sciatic nerve creating the most unbearable inescapable pain I’ve ever felt.  

‘Mysterious’, they said about my injury

‘Hard to Diagnose’,

‘This type of injury isn’t possible without a Car Accident or Trauma’

‘You are still Functioning so it Can’t Be Serious’

I still have to take deep breaths when I think about the level of pain that injury caused me and how I was encouraged to push through the pain by a society that needed me to show up. Entrapped by cultures that valued the quality of my expression- be it the level of dance, art, or teaching in order for me to be seen, heard, or to have a seat at the proverbial table- where information and awareness are kept behind access doors by those who control either your monetary value or how much influence, power, or awareness you’ll have (And yes, my dancer friends, this happens in Swing Dancing too- think of how many people equate being at all the events as being ‘interested, committed and involved’ and reward dancers belonging to certain economic groups that allows them to gain skill and therefore access and influence in the community. It’s not different in Art, Academia, or Yoga)

Finding a way through my pain also created my way back to myself- to greater awareness, to learning and healing, to integrating my passions and interests and most importantly to feeling on a soul level valued and aware. Being UNABLE on a bed for 2 weeks and completely ‘still’ for almost a year gave me the greatest wellness, ability and freedom I have ever known. I finally had time to show up to meditation and breath work nights every day after work and either other weekend for retreats (because you know I was going to apply all that motivation and achievement to my healing efforts- lol).

Because I wasn’t motivated to listen earlier, to engage sooner with my own needs- to prioritize my awareness and spiritual growth it took an injury to wake me up.

I don’t believe this type of suffering is necessary for awakening but I’m thankful for the ReCovery of my soul, my heath and my life. And most importantly the vision to see and UnCover my life’s purpose and path. I’m dedicating my life and time now to allowing the motivation for becoming more aware, to stepping more into one’s personal power to be JOY. I’m sharing my skills talents and passions to help other people down this path. Joy can be your guide as much as pain can. The choice is up to you. Imagine growing because it allows you more JOY and EASE: the joy of creating, the joy of making, the joy of knowing, the balance of relaxing with doing. Sending you so many hugs in whatever pain spectrum you are on in your life and the knowledge that more is possible for you.

If you are interested in learning to work more with your body please join me for my free week long experience in using meditation creatively to hear your body’s messages and to get in touch with your higher self. The Page is still under constuction but you can get invitations to the event by joining the email list (see below) or join and get a free meditation here.